travel

My Pandemic Journal Pt. 1

We have the entire world at our finger tips. No, I don’t even mean the internet or our phones, or any electronic for that matter. I mean to say that we have the freedom to do as we please with our one life. There is no one to hold us back but ourselves and our fears. I could do anything I wanted to do right now. Yes, I may face repercussions for doing as I please, but the fact of the matter is that the goals that I have and the dreams I have conjured can become a reality if I just TRY.

I often claim that I am so lucky. “I am so lucky for my opportunities to travel”, “I am so lucky for my career”, “I am so lucky for my grades”, “I am so lucky to have the life that I have”, so on and so forth. But the truth is that nothing in my life that has happened has been due to luck. I worked 60 hour weeks between four jobs to be able to afford my travel. I took a risk through my passion and drive to get the career I possess. I receive the grades I have sacrificed sleep in order to obtain. Every day, I keep in pursuit of the things that I want. I have not been given this life out of luck. I have been given this life because I have earned it.

I feel as though I am coming to the point of a quarter life crisis.

I am completing my second year of college in just one year and most of my time in college has been spent in Zoom University. I have two months left and I have never felt so disconnected to my academics. At times, I let this thought overtake me and in other moments I take it as a challenge to work harder. I let it serve as a motivator; that I am, in fact, obtaining my first degree during a genuine pandemic that has affected my life in many different aspects. This is something to be proud of. I am grateful that our technology is to the point of allowing us to take courses from home. Other times, I crash and I burn. My grades are okay for the current state of the world. Currently, I have 100% in Astronomy, 80% in Human Bio, 98% in Cinema Communications, and 94% in Family Relations. At times, I am proud because I acknowledge that it hasn’t been easy, but other times I cry feeling like this semester has been a waste. My GPA is currently 3.8 and I know I won’t get a 4.0 and that is something I burden myself with knowing. I put so much pressure on myself and so much value on my academics and I feel absolutely pissed at myself, at times, that I will never be good enough for the goals I place for myself. What I fail to realize is that my entire life flipped on me this past year and I have endured the unexpected. I should be proud on my self for being a PTK member and for being on the Deans List and for continuing to putting effort into my classes even when I feel defeated by them.

My emotions the last 8 months have been a rollercoaster. I strive for positivity and have made so many changes in my life, yet other times I hit an all time low and ponder my existence.

I hate the loss of normalcy. I am defiant to believe that this could be our new “normal” even though we have adapted to this new way of life over the past 8 months. But if I had the chance to change life and keep Covid-19 from happening, I wouldn’t because despite the terrible aspects it has brought to my life, it has also changed my ways of life for the better.

My relationship has changed vastly in its dynamics over the last eight months due to this pandemic… and although it seems to be the worst thing that could have happened to a long distance relationship, it has also been so beneficial for us. I am grateful for where Stephen and I are and I am so emotional at the thought I will see him again and that we will be living in a brand new country together next year.

I believe that the Universe puts you through a challenge right before bringing to you what you have asked for because it wants to test you to make sure what it will give you is what you truly desire. Maybe this isn’t true, but believing that I am currently being tested and that good is to come after I prove myself is what is, seemingly, keeping me alive.

I have been deserving of all the good that has come my way, and I will deserve all the good that is yet to come. I have just this one life and it is important that I place such value on my life. It is up to me to make my life worth it in the eyes of my self. This is why I am actively in the process of changing my outlook, perspective, and thoughts on myself and life. I am eager to continue my growth and I am eager to see all that I can achieve in this life that I have.

I am here to make something of myself.

Gratitude

Affirmation of the day: I am deserving of all good things that I have earned.

What am I grateful for?: 1. My transforming outlook on life. 2. My persistence to strive for more. 3. My desire to achieve goals and remain motivated. 4. My family 5. My relationship 6. My cat 7. My babies that I care for. 8. Technology advancements that allow for me to continue school during this time and video call my boyfriend who is 3,636 miles away. 9. My friends. 10. Having physical representations of past memories that I can look back and reflect on!

Gap Year of Travel

When you begin to acquire as many insane stories as I have, in as short of a time as a year, you’re quick to realize that some of the most prominent stories of your life deserve to be shared with the public.

When I was just 17 years old, I began planning for a trip of a lifetime. I was determined to make one of my wildest, most impulsive, dreams a reality. In 2018, just 2 months after graduating high school, I set off to the United Kingdom to take back control of my life and to say a big ‘Fuck You’ to my anxiety that had ruled my every decision prior.

I stayed in the United Kingdom for just about five days, gaining my first ounce of freedom, and developing a sense for who I was. My first week in the U.K. was one of the most scary experiences in all of my short teenage life; but this feeling was exactly what I had been seeking. I had never felt so alive- nor had I ever been happier.

In my time spent alone in a foreign country, I gained a life time of experiences.

I arrived to my Airbnb, only to find out that my host wasn’t who he had made himself out to be online. I spent my first day, not only fighting jet lag, but searching hours away for a safe place to stay.

Finally, after making way to the SafeStay Hostel, I prepped for my upcoming travels to Chelmsford, where I would attend a music festival, featuring all of my favorite British Pop Stars. To this day, my time spent at this festival marks one of the best days of my life! For 12 hours I was surrounded by my favorite music, talking to all these beautiful people with the loveliest of accents. I was completely immersed in my dreams.

Once I had returned to the hostel, I was quick to become friends with one of the guys I was bunking with. After a quick exchange of “hello”s, we got drunk and wandered the city together. We shared our life stories as we ventured around listening to street music and buying local foods. Eventually, as the evening approached, we made our way back to the hostel where we gained a group of friends from all over the world- one by one.

My time spent in the United Kingdom was fast paced, but on August 21st, I left to venture to Switzerland. I spent three weeks in the most beautiful country in the world. I couch surfed, hiked the Swiss Alps, and ate a shit ton of cheese and chocolate.

Switzerland was an absolute dream come true, and is still marked as my favorite country in terms of natural beauty. I was so sad to be leaving my friends, but this was quick to change after I had arrived to Amsterdam where I met my current boyfriend.

Stay tuned for my next blog post for the beginnings of a lifetime of stories all made within the span of a year!

Before I get too far ahead of myself, I should probably preface the beginnings of my blog by making mention that this past year has been filled with the unthinkable. Since my first solo travel experience, to this current point in my life, there’s been nothing but moments of sheer insanity. I’m part to blame for the stories I have to share, but take them as you want because, every memory I’ve gained from my gap year has left me with only a grander appreciation for people, the world, my self, and the life I have made for myself.

Leave a comment below letting me know your most intense travel story!