pandemic

My Pandemic Journey Pt. 2

I had no idea that March 29th 2020 would be the last time I saw the love of my life. For the past two years, we had travelled to several countries and were making the most of our time apart while we planned for our future together and worked towards closing the gap. With the flip of a switch, our entire lives as we knew it changed.

As we sat in the Winnipeg airport, after travelling to the country we planned to move to, we booked flights to Greece for March 8th through the 11th. I would fly to Ireland and surprise my boyfriend before going to Greece and fly back just a few days later. As I prepped for my travels, those that I knew, cautioned me to wear a mask and to be safe. My parents encouraged me to cancel the flight. To me, the idea of the Corona Virus was still a joke. I got on a shuttle bus packed with people, and made my way to the airport. I saw maybe twenty people amongst busy crowds wearing masks and I mocked them. “What germaphobes?!” I thought and laughed it off.

Upon arriving at the Dublin airport, I was flashed with yellow Covid-19 signs every few feet. Still, I stood amongst several others, mask free and in a foreign country, waiting to board a bus that would bring me to my boyfriend. I arrived to his home and hid in his room waiting for him to get off of work so I could surprise him with my presence.

A few days later, we were on our way to Greece. Going back to the airport just a few days later, things were drastically different. It was still busy, but most people were wearing masks. I found my seat on the flight and was greeted by an elderly couple wiping their seats down, wearing gloves and masks and loading up on sanitizer. Part of me thought they were insane, because I was stuck in my own little bubble-internet free and with my boyfriend I hadn’t seen since January, but there was this other part of me that thought “Fuck, this might be real.” I remember texting Stephen, who was seated a few rows ahead of me, “The start of an apocalyptic horror film” It was all laugh and giggles but I was getting scared. I was quick to tell myself it was my anxiety and that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal and I was just trying to forget about it- I mean, I was on my way to Greece where I would be staying on the beach with my lovely boyfriend.. I was so excited for Spring Break vacation!!

We got to Greece and made our way to our hotel. Oh it was so incredible. We paid close to nothing for this gorgeous hotel that sat on the beach with a balcony and all. I am thankful to have had this experience right before Covid-19 hit. In a way, I feel like it was such a blessed experience to have a beach vaca with my boyfriend as the pandemic got to settle, because had we not gone, the last time before this all happened would have been January in Canada. Everything was timed to the minute of working out. For some random reason, it was the first time we had ever decided to buy tickets for the next trip while we were still together on a trip. For some random reason I decided to surprise him and come a few days before Spring break. Had we not done either of these things, it would have been 10 months since we had seen each other instead of 8.

Everything was perfect, until my fears became a reality as we entered back into Ireland.

My Pandemic Journal Pt. 1

We have the entire world at our finger tips. No, I don’t even mean the internet or our phones, or any electronic for that matter. I mean to say that we have the freedom to do as we please with our one life. There is no one to hold us back but ourselves and our fears. I could do anything I wanted to do right now. Yes, I may face repercussions for doing as I please, but the fact of the matter is that the goals that I have and the dreams I have conjured can become a reality if I just TRY.

I often claim that I am so lucky. “I am so lucky for my opportunities to travel”, “I am so lucky for my career”, “I am so lucky for my grades”, “I am so lucky to have the life that I have”, so on and so forth. But the truth is that nothing in my life that has happened has been due to luck. I worked 60 hour weeks between four jobs to be able to afford my travel. I took a risk through my passion and drive to get the career I possess. I receive the grades I have sacrificed sleep in order to obtain. Every day, I keep in pursuit of the things that I want. I have not been given this life out of luck. I have been given this life because I have earned it.

I feel as though I am coming to the point of a quarter life crisis.

I am completing my second year of college in just one year and most of my time in college has been spent in Zoom University. I have two months left and I have never felt so disconnected to my academics. At times, I let this thought overtake me and in other moments I take it as a challenge to work harder. I let it serve as a motivator; that I am, in fact, obtaining my first degree during a genuine pandemic that has affected my life in many different aspects. This is something to be proud of. I am grateful that our technology is to the point of allowing us to take courses from home. Other times, I crash and I burn. My grades are okay for the current state of the world. Currently, I have 100% in Astronomy, 80% in Human Bio, 98% in Cinema Communications, and 94% in Family Relations. At times, I am proud because I acknowledge that it hasn’t been easy, but other times I cry feeling like this semester has been a waste. My GPA is currently 3.8 and I know I won’t get a 4.0 and that is something I burden myself with knowing. I put so much pressure on myself and so much value on my academics and I feel absolutely pissed at myself, at times, that I will never be good enough for the goals I place for myself. What I fail to realize is that my entire life flipped on me this past year and I have endured the unexpected. I should be proud on my self for being a PTK member and for being on the Deans List and for continuing to putting effort into my classes even when I feel defeated by them.

My emotions the last 8 months have been a rollercoaster. I strive for positivity and have made so many changes in my life, yet other times I hit an all time low and ponder my existence.

I hate the loss of normalcy. I am defiant to believe that this could be our new “normal” even though we have adapted to this new way of life over the past 8 months. But if I had the chance to change life and keep Covid-19 from happening, I wouldn’t because despite the terrible aspects it has brought to my life, it has also changed my ways of life for the better.

My relationship has changed vastly in its dynamics over the last eight months due to this pandemic… and although it seems to be the worst thing that could have happened to a long distance relationship, it has also been so beneficial for us. I am grateful for where Stephen and I are and I am so emotional at the thought I will see him again and that we will be living in a brand new country together next year.

I believe that the Universe puts you through a challenge right before bringing to you what you have asked for because it wants to test you to make sure what it will give you is what you truly desire. Maybe this isn’t true, but believing that I am currently being tested and that good is to come after I prove myself is what is, seemingly, keeping me alive.

I have been deserving of all the good that has come my way, and I will deserve all the good that is yet to come. I have just this one life and it is important that I place such value on my life. It is up to me to make my life worth it in the eyes of my self. This is why I am actively in the process of changing my outlook, perspective, and thoughts on myself and life. I am eager to continue my growth and I am eager to see all that I can achieve in this life that I have.

I am here to make something of myself.

Gratitude

Affirmation of the day: I am deserving of all good things that I have earned.

What am I grateful for?: 1. My transforming outlook on life. 2. My persistence to strive for more. 3. My desire to achieve goals and remain motivated. 4. My family 5. My relationship 6. My cat 7. My babies that I care for. 8. Technology advancements that allow for me to continue school during this time and video call my boyfriend who is 3,636 miles away. 9. My friends. 10. Having physical representations of past memories that I can look back and reflect on!